How are you?”

That’s a question I ask myself quite frequently. I’ve realized for most of my life, I haven’t been okay.

Growing up, I didn’t learn to process hard things, trauma, or loss healthily.

I developed coping mechanisms to protect myself…, but most were not good for me. Oh, the bags of Doritos I’ve consumed. 🤣

I now see the commonality of people not “being okay” even though we proclaim we are. Most people subconsciously cope with unresolved pain, trauma, suffering, or hardship.

PAUSE: as this weekly letter is created for founders who want to grow and scale FROM health, I think this is a significant topic to discuss, and it’s not discussed enough.

There’s no shame in this—just goodness.

Here’s what the cycle looks like that triggers this process…

> Trigger event (hurts, offends, discourages, scares, etc.)
> Overwhelm
> Shut down / protection
> Cope

This cycle could be micro, small events daily, i.e., lost sales, or macro, a big event, failed relationship, or business.

That’s life. Things happen. How we deal with those things, small or large, is important.

I’ve found my unhealthy coping is usually (or can be) consuming or doing (producing) something in excess.

I think often, entrepreneurs utilize “producing” to cope with something going on underneath the surface.

We use it to numb, distract, and drown out painful, scary, or uncomfortable feelings.

We need to know what’s happening under the hood to scale from a place of joy and peace. If we don’t get those parts sorted out, we could have a lot of risk in front of us. 🖐️

Unhealthy coping looks like this:

• Doom scrolling 😅
• P3rn
• Excessive food, alcohol, drugs, entertainment
• Joking about everything
• Overthinking
• Avoidance
• Toxic positivity (“Everything is fine, you’re fine, I’m fine”)
• Binge / Compulsive shopping

I wish more entrepreneurs could be honest with where they’re at. Being open and saying, “Maybe I’m not okay,” is the first step.

In a world of posturing and exalting ourselves, I think it is mainly sourced in something not healthy.

The following can be healthy ways to deal with our micro or macro difficulties in our challenges.

Healthy coping can look like this:

• Prayer / Meditation
• Journaling
• Creating (writing, art, music, etc.)
• Deep breathing
• Exercise
• Acceptance
• Awareness
• Eating healthy good
• Therapy / Asking for help
• Fly fishing ❤️

Fact: Life is hard, and there are challenges.

Things don’t always work out how we want them to. We have losses. We have uncertainties. We have failures. Some things we lose control of. Some things we don’t control have a profound effect on us.

Jump on social for 5 minutes, and you’ll think it’s only you.

Instead of pretending everything is always okay or suppressing the pain and difficulty, I think there is a better way…

To navigate life’s “seasons, “we must fully process ALL seasons.

Man – when my businesses were producing millions, I was still not “okay.”

I had a lot of unresolved ish going on internally. I’m hoping you’re picking up what I’m laying down.

Also, know I’m not talking at you but with you. ☺️

Alright, here are a few steps I’ve found to be a healthy process to explore my feelings and know what’s going on internally. From this place, I can take the appropriate next steps.

Just because you might have “issues” doesn’t mean you’re broken or wrong. It means you’re human. Welcome.

1. Getting awareness. Awareness is critical to explore what’s happening and why it’s happening internally. Awareness of what’s happening is step one. Next is awareness of why the feelings are happening. I think many “self-aware” people miss this. They’re swimming in negative emotions but can’t place why. What are the patterns or cycles that I experience on a daily or weekly basis?Am I actively practicing potentially unhealthy coping mechanisms?If so, what’s going on?
2. Lean in. Leaning in is healthy, not dangerous. It might seem scary or dangerous, but realizing we have things we need to pay attention to and work through is challenging but ultimately healthy for us. What are the things that have been the “untouchable” in life that it might be time to open up about?
3. Process & Pattern. Develop a new healthy process and pattern. Our brains build habits to protect us. We need first to identify the unhealthy patterns… i.e., lose a client, commence the bag of yummy-delicious-cheesy Doritos, source the reason behind it, and then replace it with a new healthy habit. Train the brain for health and success! Our brains can be rewired. That process takes time and practice.Often, my pattern could be negative self-talk or a limiting belief that, when I explore it, is rooted in fiction. Or it’s rooted in a negative experience from my past, where the fiction comes from.We carry our past into our future unless we rewire the pathways.I need to recognize my unhealthy thinking, emotional, and action patterns to install new habits that will serve me better.

   I don’t know about you, but I don’t like feeling bad.

   So, how are you? Really?

   Yeah, we’re going to have sucky days. But is there something going on that’s been consistently NOT okay?

   If you’re not… you don’t have to posture or maintain some facade anymore. That’s a burden.

   If we consistently engage in unhealthy coping mechanisms, we probably need to explore why.

   Health, joy, and peace are calling. ALL of us. 😉

   In your corner,

   Chris